First things first, if you’re a die-hard Mini fanboy or fangirl, then you might as well go back to playing Draw Something on your iPhone while you sip your Vida e Cafe coffee. No logical point that I make below will dissuade you from believing that a Mini Roadster is the best car on South African roads.
You wants a Mini
You needs a Mini
You’ll have a Mini
For the rest of you, read on.
The Mini Roadster comes into the Mini family based on the previous coupe, but with a slightly different roof-line and few other changes. There are three engine options, no real surprises from the 1.6-litre engines in all: Cooper at 90kw, Cooper S at 135kw and the JCW beast at 155kw.
That’s true speed in a really short-wheelbase, low-slung coupe. After the whole Countryman debacle, I must say that it was really, really nice to be driving a Mini that handles like the original go-kart again. What a dangerous amount of fun dependent on your power.
As with any convertible that I’ve ever driven, my main complaint is the uncomfortable drive. While the Mini roadster isn’t the most uncomfortable I’ve ever driven, my kidneys did take a bit of a pounding. Nothing you can do really.
The receding roof is the party-piece of the Mini roadster, it’s manual and semi-automatic neither of which got much of a workout from me. Sorry, but there’s nothing more pretentious than driving around in Jozi in a convertible car. Cape Town, different story but Jozi…you’re removing the word “smash” from smash-and-grab, idiot.
The big safety question in a convertible is what’s the damage to your road visibility, and in the Mini Roadster it’s bad but not visible if that makes sense. You’ve definitely got some blind-spot blindness, but this car is so small and manageable that you kind of just corner and lane-change on assumption alone. There’s also the reverse camera sensor to be absolutely certain. Just don’t be a dumbass and you’ll be fine.
When the roof is down, there’s also a tiny bit of wind noise, but you’re pumping Goldfish through the Bluetooth audio, so scratch that.
It was a task to get a longing stare from the hottie I pulled up to at the corner of Grayston and Rivonia. Girls don’t look at you in the Mini Roadster to see how hot you are, they only look at you to see how gay you are. Really sad actually since this car, the JCW in particular, is such fun to drive and deserving of some respect.
Nothing much to report on from the inside either. The same old Mini with its centre-mounted speedo, button-equipped steering wheel, LCD display and window controls that resemble movie-scene helicopter nobs.
The Mini Roadster is not cheap, but what Mini is. But I do have some thoughts on what you get for what you pay.
There’s a R16 100 bump up between the manual and automatic Cooper and Cooper S models. Understandable, but the automatic features only BMW’s Steptronic system, no triggers behind the steering wheel for shifting.
And on the fiery JCW, there’s only a manual version, no Steptronic. The exact seating position you want more power control and quicker shifting is in the front seat of a JCW Mini Roadster with 155kw underneath your right toe.
The Audi A1′s S-Tronic system has triggers…doesn’t it? #justsaying
So here’s the problem for the guys reading: the Mini Roadster is an awesome ride, has phenomenal power (in the 155kw version anyway) and is super fun to drive. But owning and driving one will make everyone question your manhood more than they would if you drove the original Cooper model. Sorry but a man having just two-seats in a car that’s not a Porsche means he’s spent his money unwisely.
Don’t stress, I have a solution: your girlfriend buys the car. She doesn’t drive it to its potential because, let’s be honest, she’s smarter than you are. You get to drive it almost whenever you want, you get to tell people it’s your girlfriend which means not only are you not gay but you’re desirable enough to procreate with. Your manhood remains intact and in fact is better for the experience because cornering in this car will take you all the way back to your boy’s only 12th birthday party at the Zwartkops go-kart track and all the fun you had with your friends on that day.
Do it.
SPECS
Cooper – R295 000 – R311 100
Ouput – 90kw and 160Nm
Top speed – 199km/h
Acceleration – 9.2 seconds
Consumption – 6.1l/100km
Cooper S – R349 000 – R365 100
Output – 135kw and 240Nm
Top speed – 227km/h
Acceleration – 7 seconds
Consumption – 6.4l/100km
JCW – R397 000
Output – 155kw and 260Nm
Top speed – 237km/h
Acceleration – 6.5 seconds
Consumption – 7.3l/100km
THE MINI AD
