Maserati has never been a brand that I would call “cool”. In the same way that I wouldn’t call Paul McCartney’s performance at the 2014 Grammys “cool”. They’re both legends but they’re legends from a by-gone era. At least for one of them though, there’s a chance at bringing it back. (And just to be clear, no amount of plastic surgery will ever bring Paul back from the saggy edge).

Maserati has always been a lot like your rich uncle Bob. He collects antique cameras. And has a tennis court in the back of his massive house in Houghton. Where he lives alone, mind you. And he always lets you drink a little beer with supper while your folks aren’t looking. And he’s into art. And you love going there on Thursday nights. Because it’s really cool way to live life. As an old, single man, with no kids. And no responsibilities. And no wife to come home and argue with why you stayed for drinks after golf. Or groceries to buy. Or curtains to close. Or beds to make. It’s like being 11 forever.

But you haven’t told any of your friends at school about Bob. Because as cool as he is and as classy and impressive as his antique camera collection may be, it’s just not “cool” to tell other kids that your 50-year-old uncle Ivor is a cool guy. It’s a secret you’ve always kept to yourself and they’re ways of living that you put in the back of your head as plans for how you want to be when you’re 50-years-old. But you never tell anyone about it.

That’s Maserati. Impressive. Substantial. Of the ages. But not cool.
That is…until now.

This is Maserati’s coming out party. Be warned, cool kids: there’s a new hot girl in class. And her parents have money. And she’s got a sense of humour. And she’s not intimidatingly intelligent either.
We’re making the call, right here, on the pages of AskSteve.co.za. It’s time for the public to change their perceptions of Maserati. It’s time for people to think of it as “cool”. It’s time for you to drive one. And our recommendation is to start in the magnificent 2014 Quattroporte.

We recently had the honour of doing just that in Johannesburg’s backyard – the Magaliesberg – and we were more impressed than let down.

Let’s start with the biggest stereotypes:
It’s too big.
Yes, the new Quattroporte is big. It’s over 5 meters long and 2 meters wide. That does border dangerously close to boatish. The new Renault Clio is only 4 meters long and under 2 metres wide. But that’s what you sign up for when you take a seat in the Golf Club cigar lounge alongside other limousines like the Mercedes S-Class and the Audi A8.
But while we’re talking about serious size on the road, we’re also talking about steering that feels like you’re playing air-hockey at a children’s arcade.

And while you’re whipping this mammoth machine from yellow line to cat’s eye, you’re doing it at serious speed too thanks to a 3-litre V6 or a 3.8-litre V8. It’s not quick, it’s fast. And we’re not talking blistering, scary speed. Just grown up pace. In fact the V6 could do with a bit more puff, if we’re honest. But who are we to complain while encased in such luxury.

There really is a sense of sportiness to this car that really should be making you feel like you’re on the way to watch some ballet or have dinner with Tokyo Sexwhale or something like that.

So you’re a business-man with lots of money and you need a new car to impress. Why choose the Maserati over the competitors we mentioned above? Mainly, because you’re not the type to get driven around in a beautiful piece of engineering that cost you a fortune by a man who won’t put his foot down for fear of getting fired. The Maserati, while not the quickest limo on the road, is a car that you’re going to want to drive yourself. You’re going to want to know how it feels in the corners. You’re going to want to know that you could beat a GTi off the line at the lights. You’re a driver with a pulse not a suit with a meeting to get to.

Next stereotype to bust is that the Maserati is for old men and Mafia Dons. Take a look at the inside of the new Quattroporte and tell us that the black leather trim with wood panelling and that imposing Maserati trident logo isn’t the sexiest thing you’ve seen since the Kim Kardashian sex vid was leaked. We thought so.
Of course it can’t all be good news. That would be suspicious.

The Maserati Quattroporte is expensive. And we don’t mean, overpriced. We mean proper expensive. Starting at 2 million Rand, you’re going to need to have had a contract to have done something at Zuma’s Nkandla property before you can afford one. Down to a combination of factors which include a suffering Rand/Dollar exchange rate and high import costs, there’s not much you or Vigllietti Motors can do about it.

Still. If you’ve got the cash. You’ve got the taste. You’ve got the desire to at least not run with the rest of the pack for a change. There is no better option out there than Be warned, cool kids: there’s a new hot girl in class. And her parents have money. And she’s got a sense of humour. And she’s not intimidatingly intelligent either.