First an explainer: Infiniti is to Nissan what Lexus is to Toyota. It’s their luxury brand, made by the same people with the same principles, only targeted at those with more brains than to pay close to seven figures for a Nissan badge.

The FX30DS is not as unfamiliar to South African’s as appears at first look. The engine powering things along is the 3-litre V6 dCi found in the Nissan Navara strapped to and All-Wheel-Drive setup and sitting in the cabin is akin to sitting inside the luxurious Nissan Murano. Same entertainment system, same control dial and same system inside it all. The Infiniti though does have these awe-inspiring gear triggers behind the steering wheel. Apparently Infiniti also make weapons for Mortal Kombat characters.

Even from the outside Nissan has left its fingerprints everywhere. The front end resembling a grown up and swollen Juke and the back…well take your pick.

This familiarity might ruin the experience for some, but remember that Infiniti was first introduced to the US market and that means it appeared in more than its fair share of gangsta rap music videos. Quickly that glitter rubbed off and the car became associated with bling, brandy and bad girls with style.

Turning heads is tremendous fun in the FX30DS. It doesn’t look anything like rivals in its class. It’s without a doubt big enough to be an SUV, but the elongated front end screams of grand tourer. The long hours staring out of the window, the immersion in that album you’ve been dying to get in to, the joy of the final destination.

The only thing on the car to match the length that you get from the front end is the height and width that you get from the massive 20” wheels they’ve locked on to the sides. Test cars are supposed to be tested by journos, but no amount of convincing could get us to actually take this big boy through a McDonalds drive-thru. Those wheels are just too glorious and perfect and no doubt very expensive. So we walked in and ordered like a poor person.

Since the engine comes out of an existing Nissan, you wouldn’t have terribly high hopes, but you’d be very, very wrong. “Hedonistic spirit and athletic beauty” are more words that popped up in the PR fluff, and only when we got behind the wheel did we know what they meant. The athleticism they refer to makes itself known when you put your foot down and feel this barge get up and go. They’ve told us they’re bringing in a 5-litre version soon, but we don’t see the point. The 3-litre is capable and quick enough albeit a bit heavy. Anything quicker though and you’re in for some very lengthy road-side explanations to Piet Spietkop.

The gearbox wasn’t the best and it did its share of hunting around for gears. Keep it out of Sport mode and drive in a civilized non-Joburg manner, and you’ll be alright.

Infiniti want to assure you that they’ve got you covered on the back end too. This won’t be one of those “we’re here but we don’t have any parts for you” situations. They’ve got dealerships located in Hatfield, Pretoria and Melrose in Johannesburg with additional Infiniti Centres in Durban and Cape Town which will be operational in the last quarter of this year, with a 10-dealer network planned for 2014.

If you think you’re a future Infiniti driver, or you’re just a record producer without a luxury SUV parked out front, you need to visit one of their Dedicated Infiniti Centers to experience their “Total Ownership Experience”. If only for a test drive, do it!

Gimme: R768 613
Stockists: (011) 555 3200

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And as the Le Mans weekend rolls around, this car is going to have it’s work cut out for it as it’s sharing the stadium with the quirky Deltawing and the feisty Juke R.

Since they helped invent the compact crossover segment in 2010, Nissan’s new Nismo feels quite at home extending the Japanese manufacturers range to include an enhanced tuned-up version of its 1.6-litre direct injection turbocharged petrol engine, inspired by the one installed in Nissan’s revolutionary DeltaWing Le Mans race car.

Throw in some stiffened suspension settings and new steering modifications for sportier direct handling and improved traction control, and you’ve got some potent potential.

What else has Nismo, the sports arm of Nissan done lately? How about inventing the world’s first all-electric racing car which made the first run in front of the public at last year’s Le Mans 24h event? Decent!

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Making use of their Scratch Shield proprietary paint, the Japanese car manufacturer say they will be selling iPhone cases coated in the paint by the end of the year, if demand is high enough.

For god sakes people, I plead with you, don’t demand this utter unnecessariness. Products like this make other products, like iPhone cases, obsolete. Why don’t they just start coating the iPhone in the paint like they’re doing to the 370z or the Murano?

The inclusion of this product on the market will do nothing to bring down the international demand for rhino horn, and thus it’s retarded.

Here’s the most boring video in the world:

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