In one line…
It’s Volvo’s performance model, but it isn’t very good at performance. It is a Volvo after all.

Growing up I was taught that 3 things in life are true:
My brother is bigger than me and he will always beat me in a fight (a broken arm at age 5 taught me that)
It’s not polite to pick your nose in public (my friend Wayne getting crapped on by his mom taught me that)
And a Volvo is not performance car (the first time my maths teacher asked us to bring his car around to his classroom taught me that)

Alfa’s are cars for crazy, fire-blooded people.
BMWs are for people who like to go fast and be comfortable at the same time.
But Volvos, everyone knows, are for people who listen to classical music and bake cakes. They’re for people who think driving anywhere is dangerous and we should try and walk places as much as possible.

Perhaps that’s why I was so blown away by the speed of this car. They’ve strapped a sideways-six 3-litre engine into the bonnet along with a 6-speed automatic transmission, so it’s quick in a straight line but somebody forgot to tell this car that it’s supposed to be Volvo’s performance model. Where the hell are the paddles on the steering wheel for downshifting and eeking out the most of every gear?

This omission alone means that BMW and Merc can rest easy. There’s just way too much missing or unfinished in this car for it to contend for those petrolhead drivers.

There are no gear paddles or telephone controls on the steering wheel and a horrifically large turning circle. The most you’ll get out of the almost 6” non-touch screen is some very basic controls for your radio and telephone and constant, constant warnings from collision-warning system, which is very good and uses radar and a camera to ensure that you’ll almost never have a collision with a car or a pedestrian. This is Volvo after all; they just don’t see the need for accidents.

What this car does come with though is a price-tag of R320 000 compared to say an Audi A4 starting at R308 000. You get a pretty wicked interior made up of half leather, half cloth two-tone seats, you get a noticeable-on-the-road RDesign sport body kit and you get a simplistic and easy to look at moray-lined metal dash. Just look at this thing.

Also, which is nice, you get the almost 100% guarantee that you’ll never ever have an accident because you’ll be shouted at by the collision-warning system well in advance.

So who is this car for then? I would suggest it for one of two groups of people: the BMW driver in training or the young, professional woman.

For the first group it’s got decent speed so they can act like brass-holes on the road, yet it lacks the distractions of fancy toys within so they can concentrate on being those brass-holes, getting so good at it that eventually they can drive that BMW 3-series with pride.

And for the second, it’s a safe comfortable drive that lacks little in performance. But the young professional woman has more on her mind than changing gears herself, she’s on the phone telling men how to run her business.

Engine
Turbocharged and intercooled 3-litre petrol engine producing 222kw and 440Nm
Price
At R320 000, it’s a bit much considering all it leaves out. I would rather opt for an entry level Audi A4.
Styling, Design and Interior
I really do like the interior of this car. They had the balls to not cover everything in leather. At least 8 out of 10.
The drive
I really didn’t notice anything worth complaining about. The inclusion of All-Wheel-Drive means you don’t even notice it accelerating up to 140km/h and cornering too is quite a breeze.
Safety
A very competent and not too intrusive collision-warning system. Volvo hope to do away with road accidents entirely by 2014.
Consumption
10L/100km
After sales
Volvo Plan, a comprehensive 5 year / 100 000km warranty and maintenance plan that covers all routine services as well as any unscheduled maintenance or repairs that may be required.